why haven't i commited suicide yet?

Its raining outside, the strains of switchfoot are slipping out the crack in my bedroom door, my journal is lying open waiting to absorb whatever thoughts i feel like pouring out, and reflection on the irony of life leads me to ask..."why havent i commited suicide yet?" It must be by the grace of God. There is so much life in the world, so much insight that people have to share, so much to do, so much to give. And thats all fine and dandy, but what about all of the hopelessness and despair...it seems to steal away any peace that the world has to offer. And suddenly all of my thoughts slip away as I realize that if my hope was in what the world has to offer, i would be long dead by now. AHHH...HELLO SUNSHINE! i absolutely love it when the lord gives me a revelation. How greatful i am that the lord has given me something to hope for, i cannot express in words. Anyways, just an update from my life.

Love Love Love.

The weight of glory

This is an excerpt from one of C.S. Lewis's addresses called "the weight of glory", It is fantastic, talking about so many of the things that we all face in our day to day lives, so as you can imagine, this is just a sliver of the brilliance of this address. If you ever get the chance to read the whole thing, please do.

"Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of reward and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that our lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infiite joy is offered us. Like an ignorant child wo wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imgine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far to easily pleased." -C.S. Lewis, the weight of glory

This is definitley something that i struggle with. wanting what i think is great, not thinking that God has something better for me, which he does. Anyway, its good food for thought!

kick back and let him take you on a ride, no matter how many ups and downs there may be.

Love Love Love.

shut out the worries of tomorrow

I'm learning how much I have to learn, how little I know, how fragile my understanding is. I'm learning to be thankful and patient... Today is all that we will ever have in this life. If we spend our time obsessing with the future or regretting the past then we will never live. Tomorrow will always be tomorrow and yesterday cannot be changed. The wise man seeks God in the now and brings both his regrets and fears before Him. The freedom that we are offered is truly amazing: to live, today, free from even our own fallen desires. This is where I want to be. -jon foreman

bear with me...i just love jon foreman's quotes. they are always so deep and thought provoking. he has such a simple yet complex understanding of our faith, the lord, and human nature. Anywhoo's just though i'd share this one last one tonight.

live for the moment & Love Love Love.

real life punctuation

I just had a thought: punctuation marks exist in the written word and in life. commas, periods... exclamation points! They divide our existence into discrete moments, allowing us to catch our breath before we begin the next sentence, helping us better understand our time here on earth. In life, the question marks are sometimes the hardest to understand, the most frightening. They leave so much to the imagination, what happens next? Yet, question marks are good for the soul. They reveal where our hopes are, what we fear, who or what we trust. So much of what we hold on to in this life is a mirage. Job security, financial stability, prestige, power, relationships: these are as unsure as our lives themselves. Sometimes the best thing to do during a time of questioning is to let the questions dig deep into our soul. Who are we? What are we living for? I’m a hopeful questioner myself… -Jon Foreman

i just thought this was a great thought. i like to hear what other people have to say about issues that i think about often. it is really inspiring isnt it? all these questions will determine how we spend our limited time here, on this outrageous planet full of hoplessness. It is so desperate for the hope of our savior! But more importantly, where each and every one of us spend our eternity.
eternity. That is such a long time. that is forever. we are such stupid people that we dont lay down our lives without question, doubt or reserve. For all that our lord and savior has done for us...i just get sick of my selfishness.

Love Love Love.

waiting on the world to change

the following are some lyirics to a song that got me thinking...

Waiting on the world
me and all my friends we're all misunderstood
they say we stand for nothing and

there's no way we ever could

now we see everything that's going wrong

with the world and those who lead it

we just feel like we don't have the means

to rise above and beat it

so we keep waiting

waiting on the world to change

we keep on waiting

waiting on the world to change

it's hard to beat the system

when we're standing at a distance

so we keep waiting

waiting on the world to change...

So, the first few times i heard this song i thought it was really cool what the artist (john mayer) was talking about. then after hearing it a few more times, and listening to the words, i got to thinking, (and this is not to say that the whole song is wrong...there is some truth to it also) why should we just wait on the world? if we did, we'd all probably become suicidal sooner or later. This is why Jesus told us to "go and make disciples of all nations." if the world would change for the better all on its own than why on earth would there be any point in telling people about jesus christ? there wouldnt be. I know that john mayer isnt a christian (i am not bashing him) and so he is just singing what he believes to be true, but i find it helpful to analize things, it always helps me grow in my understanding of different issues. So, suffice to say....speak the gospel to everyone with the boldness given to you by the holy spirit, there is a reason for it and it works.

Love Love Love.

Gaurd yourself

I just got this quote from a friend of mine (stephanie olson's) blog, and thought i would share it with you because it is so true, and the truth is good to hear.

Whatever weakens your reason,

whatever impairs the tenderness of your conscience,

whatever obscures your sense of God,

whatever increases the authority of your body over your mind,

whatever takes away from your relish for spiritual things,

that to you is sin, no matter how innocent it is in itself.

Love Love Love.

Discontented anyone???

Have you ever felt as though you were rejecting the faithfulness of God because you wanted “more” (whatever that is) than what he has for you? feeling discontented and not doing anything to further the kingdom. Not loving the people that are hard to love. Not nurturing your relationship with the lord. Not hearing God’s voice. Not being steadfast and diligent in his will. Oh, the list goes on and on! well anyways, i feel like that sometimes, i actually kind of feel like that right now. I think for me it starts when i get SO rapped up something (or, i must admit, someone), that I totally neglect God, and I start to see it in my life. I feel like I am fighting something that isnt there but its so real at the same time, you know? Ahh...why is life so discouraging sometimes? I mean why does God have to test us in real life circumstances? Wouldn’t it be so much easier if he just gave us a quiz on paper every week and we passed as long as we got above 79% on it? I mean if that was what Christianity was it’d be a breeze! Anyways, I will stop ranting and raving, i just felt like jotting (typing) that down. Its always nice to just spill your guts isnt it?

Love Love Love.

What I think about life...

Life. It is a place where those who dare to look upon it in perspective are transfixed by its reality, gripped by its faintness, torn by its bleakness, shaken by its boldness, and yet still enraptured by its glory. While life is neither sound nor unsound we are dizzied by its steady beat to an unsteady drum, even so we must remain steadfast in this race that we have begun. Not letting the person behind us cause us to stumble. We must struggle to remain fixed on a common goal. The goal that will give us victory beyond all others. The goal that is the highest, and hardest to reach. The goal that will keep our hearts in alignment with the purpose that Jesus Christ gave, and while I, as well as many others struggle to remain fixed on the will of God, I take comfort in the fact that I am not the only one who wins and loses in this race for eternity...

So there you have it...

Love Love Love.